Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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