Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
