Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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