the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
