our cab driver is having phone sex.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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