so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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