I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
even my farts smell like vagina
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
