I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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