So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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