Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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