Tell her she can't have a vagina
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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