Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I see more hoeing in ur future
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