Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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