those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
