Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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