I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So much rum. So many feels.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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