so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
