well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
