I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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