Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
