You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
