I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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