There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
