Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i think i have two assholes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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