remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
