Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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