But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
