I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
