would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
