I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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