He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We need a shit load of segways right now
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