A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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