just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
