i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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