So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
