i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
