i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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