Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
