I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
