So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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