Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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