do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
