I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
