Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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