Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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