I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
