david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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