Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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