thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
