Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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