and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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