I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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