I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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