Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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