scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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