just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
