Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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