i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.