If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.