im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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