It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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