How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
