i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize