I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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