I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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