he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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