awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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