Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
