I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
