those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
