Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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