I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
