Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
