I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
