"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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