it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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