I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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